It got here way too fast.
My baby is starting high school.
Like every parent, I worry about all the usual things. Will they find their classes? Make friends? Join a club or sport? Will they get picked on? Will they be happy?
But because of the work I do, I also worry about something else: relationships, sex and whether my teenager will know what to do when they have questions.
Maybe my teen isn’t there yet. Maybe they are. Maybe it’s their friends who are asking questions. Either way, I know one thing: when teenagers have questions, they don’t always ask their parents first.
There are thousands of articles, videos and health classes available online. But if I could give every teenager a quick “Sex Ed 101,” these are the things I’d want them to remember.
Sex can wait.
Dating, holding hands, kissing and having crushes are all normal parts of growing up. But there is no prize for having sex early.
Waiting is a perfectly good choice, and for many teenagers, it is the best choice. Teens are still growing emotionally and physically, and adding sex to the mix can bring responsibilities and consequences they may not be ready to handle.
If you do choose to have sex, understand the risks and protect yourself.
If you choose to have sex, use condoms. Every time.
Pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can happen the very first time you have sex.
Condoms are the only birth control method that also helps reduce the risk of most STIs. And despite what you may hear from friends, or see online, the “pull-out method” is not a reliable form of birth control.
Know where you can get condoms, learn how to use them correctly, and don’t be embarrassed to carry them.
Being prepared isn’t the same thing as planning to have sex. It’s simply taking responsibility for your health and your choices.
If something goes wrong, don’t panic—but don’t wait.
Sometimes teenagers are afraid to ask for help after unprotected sex. They may worry about getting in trouble, being judged or disappointing their parents.
But waiting can make an already stressful situation harder.
Emergency contraception works best when taken as soon as possible after unprotected sex. Wyoming’s Title X Family Planning Clinics provide emergency contraception, and many teens may qualify to receive services at little or no cost. Emergency contraception is also available over the counter at most pharmacies.
The important thing is to get accurate information from a trusted source rather than relying on social media or a friend who may not have all the facts.
Birth control should be an informed decision.
If you’re sexually active and could become pregnant, talk with a health care provider about birth control.
There are many options, and sometimes it takes more than one try to find an option that works well for you.
And if talking with a parent isn’t possible, Wyoming’s Title X Family Planning Clinics provide confidential services for adolescents. Because of the sliding fee scale, many teens may receive care at little or no cost.
That doesn’t mean parents don’t matter. Quite the opposite. Parents are often the most important source of guidance a teenager has.
But sometimes a teenager needs another trusted adult to help answer a question they’re too embarrassed to ask at home.
STIs don’t always announce themselves.
Someone can look perfectly healthy and still have an STI.
That’s one reason testing matters for people who are sexually active, and why condoms are an important part of protecting your health.
Getting tested isn’t something to be ashamed of. Knowing your status and getting treatment when necessary is simply taking responsibility.
Never have sex just to keep someone.
This one may be the most important.
If someone pressures you to have sex because they’re afraid you’ll leave, threatens to break up with you if you say no, or repeatedly pushes you past your boundaries, that’s not love or respect.
The right person will respect your boundaries.
You always have the right to say no. You can change your mind. And you should never feel like you owe someone sex because you’re dating them, love them or have done something before.
If someone touches you or pressures you into something you didn’t want, tell a trusted adult. It may feel scary or embarrassing, but you don’t have to handle it alone.
And parents? We don’t have to have all the answers.
As parents, we don’t have to know everything. We don’t need a perfect script or one big “talk.”
We just need to start talking.
Talk about relationships. Talk about respect. Talk about boundaries. Talk about the responsibilities that come with sex. And, when the time is right, talk about pregnancy prevention and STI prevention.
Our teenagers are going to have questions whether we’re ready for them or not. If we don’t give them accurate information, someone else, or the internet, will.
That doesn’t mean we have to encourage our kids to have sex. We can tell them clearly that waiting is a healthy choice and that they have plenty of time.
But we can also make sure that if they ever find themselves in a situation where they need help, they know they can come to us without fear of shame or judgment.
Because no matter how awkward it feels, I’d rather my teenager roll their eyes at me than be too afraid to ask for help when it matters most.
And honestly, as my baby heads off to high school, that’s what I want most: for them to know that growing up doesn’t mean they have to figure everything out alone.
You can find your local Wyoming Title X Family Planning Clinic at WYHC.ORG.
This project is supported by the Office of Populations Affairs (OPA) and the Office of the Assistant Secretary of Health (OASH) of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) as part of a financial assistance award 1 FPHPA 006541-0-00 totaling $924,108 with 100 percent funded by OPA/OASH/HHS. The contents are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the official views of, nor an endorsement, by OPA/OASH/HHS or the U.S. Government.
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